The Iron Ring

I read this today. 

And it reminded me of a meeting I had towards the end of graduate school.

I spent most of graduate school thinking of career options that would not involve research, or engineering, or science of any kind. In fact, I used to think it would be awesome to just answer phones and organize office supplies and schedule meetings for other people. Then my brother-in-law told me he would never hire me to be his secretary if I had a PhD because I would be over-qualified. And we’re family! Anyway, I digress.

Towards the end of graduate school I decided it was worth giving research another try. I decided that maybe I didn’t hate research, maybe I just hated…… some other things that would change if I found a great postdoctoral position. FYI- the jury is still out three years later.

So I went to see some of my professors to get some advice about what sort of postdoctoral position I should take. One professor put me through the odd experience of a pretend postdoc interview. Maybe it was an odd experience because he was a little odd? Anyway he asked me why there weren’t any Darwins or Einsteins or Curies anymore. I told him it was because of the way science has changed- we work in teams now. There are still Darwins and Einsteins but they have a serious ‘et al.’ Apparently it wasn’t the best answer he had heard but it was ok (!) he was just making sure that I didn’t say that the reason there are no big names in research is because all the big discoveries have been made.

If you’re still with me (Hello?? Everybody?? So glad to see you!) its time to click on the link above. This guy wrote a book about discovering the ignorance in science. He realized after teaching Neuroscience from a really big textbook that students might start to think that we knew everything there was to know already, which is patently not true. He felt that to embrace science was to embrace the stuff we don’t know and to “search for a black cat in a dark room” (not sure I got that entirely right but the gist is there).

I know too many scientists looking for cats where there is already catnip and cat poop.

I did not enjoy graduate school.

And I realize this statement puts me in good company.

Having worked in several different labs at this point in my career I can testify that most graduate students do not enjoy graduate school. I have seen students suffer from a serious lack of mentorship that left them floundering for years. I’ve seen many students bear the consequences of their PIs departing, forced or otherwise. I hear stories about postdocs bullying technicians, about technicians sabotaging graduate students and about PIs playing favorites. I’ve noticed that despite the wide range of institutions and labs and PIs there is something uniquely universal about obtaining a PhD in the life sciences. How else can you explain the popularity of this and this and of course, this.

But it isn’t entirely universal because some people just have an easier time obtaining their PhD due to circumstances beyond intelligence. And our PhDs don’t come with a number that indicates difficulty. In the same vein, some people develop a strong mentoring relationship with their PhD advisor that gives them the confidence to launch their careers whereas others feel disenfranchised and exploited by their PI. Why else would we have this?

When I began my postdoc I promised myself I would put graduate school behind me. I changed fields of study and I was in a place where no one knew my graduate school colleagues. I didn’t want to share war stories. But I find myself wondering where I fall on the spectrum of graduate experience. I was depressed, overworked and discouraged, but how much of that was the PhD experience and how much was my PhD experience? 

I don’t plan on writing much about being a mom on this reinvention of my blog (promise!) but every now and then some news item about babies, pregnancy or childbirth catches my attention as both a mom and a scientist and this weekend was one of those cases. So bear with me.

I read this in the Times about Ina May Gaskin and the homebirth movement. I was struck by the writer’s story of her own birth experience which has many similarities with other women I know, although for the record it is entirely unlike my own experience. The writer’s labor simply didn’t progress enough and after some back and forth with her doctor and her midwife she had a c-section. I don’t pretend to understand all there is to know about childbirth and for the record, I disliked hearing my prenatal yoga instructor say “the universe won’t give you a baby you can’t deliver” (really?). But I do have some thoughts on those women who simply have a stalled labor. I think as mammals we are programmed to stall labor when we feel danger. Our bodies think “wow! Maybe this isn’t such a good time for giving birth!” its kind of a flight-or-fight thing and its completely subconscious. If you really want to give birth vaginally and someone keeps coming in the room and tapping their wrist you can see how your stress hormones might rise. I’m not suggesting that we stop monitoring how labor progresses or that doctors should act like its progressing fine or something. I just think maybe we should be a little less scared of things overall. Less scared of pain and childbirth itself, less scared of c-sections, less scared of imagining all the things that could go wrong.  And at the risk of sounding too rainbows and roses (see previous post?) it would be nice if no one preached anything at all about childbirth and allowed women to simply make informed decisions without guilt.

I may not be heading to Tennessee anytime soon to give birth but I think its great that the option exists. Yet simultaneously I wish Ina May Gaskin’s book was not such a ‘must read’ for expectant Brooklyn women.

I will be brief tonight.

I read this online today and I think it is wonderful.

I am a pessimist who goes by the term ‘realist’ and I’m married to an optimist. I have always subscribed to low expectations; whenever I apply to things (college? Graduate school? Jobs?) I figure it won’t happen and that leads to pleasant surprises and few disappointments. My spouse does not agree with this approach and recently I allowed myself to get excited, maybe even optimistic, about an opportunity. And it didn’t pan out after all. And I was disappointed. But after reading the article linked above, I think I missed the boat a little.

The author describes an interview where the interviewer told her she was naïve to think she could be hired given her professional experience. She replied “If I didn’t think I could do the job, I wouldn’t be here” and she got hired.

Optimism isn’t just being hopeful, even extremely hopeful, that you will get what you want, optimism is the sheer confidence that it will work out.

Happy Friday before Memorial day weekend……….. I can’t think of many things better than a sunny holiday Friday